o24 ★ THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME.

[electrowhipit]

[ There's a clatter as the phone is knocked off the hook. Another as Jolt tries to pick it up you can hear him muttering: ]

I'm back- it can't be true, it can't-- I'm back.

[ A final scramble for the phone and he manages to grab it. There's no mistaking the urgency of his tone ]

Sideswipe-- I need to talk to Sideswipe!

Comments

[electrowhipit]

[ He recoils, still afraid and a little doubtful ]

I-- I went home.

[weaponsparked.livejournal.com]

[And he... is jerked back by those feelings. He still can't comprehend why. Jolt's backing away only adds to the confusion.

But what Jolt says makes his mouth go dry.]

You... you what?

[electrowhipit]

I went home. [ He didn't really, but it felt so real that he's certain it happened. ]

[weaponsparked.livejournal.com]

You went...

[He doesn't even know what to say. He just sits - right where he is in the hallway, totally overwhelmed.]

... You went home. I... How?

[electrowhipit]

Mayfield, I guess.

[ he takes a shaky inhalation, and opens his mouth to speak. He has to try a couple of times before he's sure he can say it without breaking down ]

You weren't there.

[weaponsparked.livejournal.com]

Hah.

[Part of him wants to joke, to pester Jolt with questions and try to use this - but that utterly desolate feeling is back, kicking him straight in the teeth, and he falls silent, save for a shaky, broken-down inhalation.]

No... I... I was here. I didn't... get to go home.

[A beat, and then, because he can't help himself, he holds a hand out toward him.]

I'm sorry, I... if I'd known...

[electrowhipit]

[ He just stares at the offered hand, his thoughts a jumble. Suddenly everything just comes pouring out ]

All Spark, Sideswipe, if there's someone else, just tell me! I'm so sorry if I did something wrong-- I swear I didn't mean to-- but if you're happier with someone else, then that's what you deserve.

[ He means it, even if his heart is breaking as he says it. He feels defeated, and a sort of bitter resignation, and endless, tearing loneliness. He was right. He was going to be alone for the rest of his very long life. He's not good enough. Never has been, and never will be.

He buries his face in his hands and chocked out a half-sob ] I'm sorry.

[weaponsparked.livejournal.com]

[He's completely, utterly unprepared for that. For any of it. If he weren't sitting on the floor already, he'd have fallen over. Whatever he was expecting, an accusation wasn't it.]

I... What? What are you talking about?

[Jolt's feelings hit him like a brick in the face. His expression crumbles, the wave of loneliness fighting against his own confusion. He barely manages the next words - his voice is thick, angry under the mirrored pain, despite the tears in his own eyes.]

There... is... no one... else. Who said that...?

[electrowhipit]

Everyone. Optimus. Ratchet. Ironhide. They told me you stayed in Mayfield because there was someone else. [ There's a brief, flickering moment of uncertainty- what he's saying sounds a little ridiculous, but surely Optimus Prime of all mechs wouldn't lie to him. ]

[weaponsparked.livejournal.com]

[The uncertainty - he feels, warped and distorted when he hears what Ironhide said. His teacher said he would do something so... How could he say that?]

How would they know! How! I never went back. I never got to go back. Tell me how they would know what happened here.

[Being angry is something of a cushion against all that hurt. Again, his voice is little more than a growl.]

There... is no one else in this damned pit of a town.

[electrowhipit]

[ He's angry, suddenly, and he snaps: ] I don't know!

[ And then it hits him. How would they know? It didn't seem strange at the time, but looking back on it now...

He slumps down, sitting just inside the doorway, feeling a little dazed and a lot like he's a total idiot ] I don't know.

[weaponsparked.livejournal.com]

[They're both angry, which doesn't help his mood swings one bit.]

Maybe you should have thought about it before you went accusing me!

[Before he can come off this "anger high", he tosses a little box at Jolt, shoving himself to his feet. Stalking off just makes him feel dazed, stupid, and it's not until he gets into the livingroom that the alien feelings start to clear.]

[electrowhipit]

[ That stings. It stings a lot, but he won't say he didn't deserve it.

The box misses him, and hits the doorjamb instead. It pops open, and it's only when its contents go clattering to the floor that Jolt looks up.

It's a ring. The ring. And just the sight of it makes Jolt want to cry.

But he picks it up and heads for the living room. He's afraid this is already beyond repair, but he needs to try. He has to try. ] Sideswipe?

[weaponsparked.livejournal.com]

[He's sprawled himself out on the couch, as per usual, scowling over at the tree as if trying to set it on fire with his eyes. He has some acidic comment prepared. But when Jolt enters, it drains out of him.

Why... does he keep feeling like this? Why are his eyes stinging?]

What?

[He presses his hand against his eyes, hoping that's going to help.]

[electrowhipit]

I'm so sorry.

[ And he is. Truly and deeply. Why does this kind of stuff always happen to them? ]

[weaponsparked.livejournal.com]

Mmn.

[Even as he makes that little noise, he... feels the same way. He scrubs his hand over his face again, breathing slowly.]

... I'm sorry.

Something's... wrong with me.

[electrowhipit]

What do you mean? [ Now he's confused and concerned ]

[weaponsparked.livejournal.com]

I don't... know.

[Jolt's confusion isn't helping. At all. Everything just keeps getting jumbled, the more he tries to think.]

... Forget it.

[electrowhipit]

[ Now he's just plain concerned ] Sideswipe... what's going on?

You didn't... get a present, did you?

[weaponsparked.livejournal.com]

I don't know, I said. Everyone... they're driving me insane. The second I get near them, I feel like I'm going out of my processor. Even you!

[He shakes his head, running his hands through his hair before glancing at Jolt - and looking concerned. Not frustrated or upset anymore.]

No. A note. Did... you? Is that how...?

[electrowhipit]

[ He just nods ] Can I see it? Your note, I mean.

[weaponsparked.livejournal.com]

[He gestures vaguely in the direction of the note (http://mayfield-mods.livejournal.com/48852.html?thread=1517780), burying his face in his hands.]

... I'm sorry I threw that. At you.

[electrowhipit]

... I deserved it. [ he wanders over to find the note, and he has to read it a couple of times before he gets it

He glances over at Sideswipe, plainly worried ] How do you feel?

[weaponsparked.livejournal.com]

Mmn.

[He shrugs, examining his feet.] ... Worried. Hurt.

[electrowhipit]

That's how I feel.