oo1 ★ VOICE

[electrowhipit]

[ there is a long silence, then a groggy groan-slash-yawn ]

Guys? Did- did it work? I- wait. This isn't right. Ratchet-? Hello? Ow. Primus, my head. Ratchet said I might be sore, but...

[ a yelp, followed by the distinct sounds of someone falling out of bed ]

Ow. W-what's going on?! Where- what- my body--

Okay, Jolt. Let's think about this for a second. One klik I'm in the desert. On my right, Optimus. On my left... that... one mech. I never got his name. Anyway, I'm positive I did everything right, so how did I wind up here?

Frag it, I better be dreaming. Dreaming that I'm a human. In a house.

...

Forget dreaming. Maybe this is really a nightmare.

...Guys? Autobots- tell me I'm not the only one here. Please tell me I'm not the only one here.

Comments

[if-she-hollers.livejournal.com]

So like, if you're not a human, then like, what are you supposed to be?

[electrowhipit]

Autobot. Uh. Autonomous robotic life form.

[if-she-hollers.livejournal.com]

. . .

Um. Not what I was expecting. So how's like, the whole breathing thing going? You're like, taking it pretty well, I think.

[electrowhipit]

Well, I wasn't thinking about it before. Breathing, I mean. I was just kinda... doing it.

[if-she-hollers.livejournal.com]

Oh. Then you like, shouldn't think about it too much. And like, don't think about swallowing either, cause then you start noticing it every time you swallow and it gets like really annoying really fast. Same for blinking.

. . . And ah-hem, you like, might want to get a guy to tell you about that thing in your pants, cause there are um. Some involuntary movements associated there, too.

[electrowhipit]

[ ...you are supremely obnoxious and unhelpful :| ]

...

Yeeeeah. Thanks. I'll, uh, keep that in mind.

[if-she-hollers.livejournal.com]

[Ini's very good at that.]

Oh, hey. I like, wonder what'll happen when you like, start getting your normal body back. That'd be . . . weird. Maybe like, they'll give back one piece at a time and you'll be an android for a while. Cool, huh?

[electrowhipit]

Wait, wait. I can get it back?

[if-she-hollers.livejournal.com]

Huh? No one explained it to you?

So like, everything they take away when you get here is free game for you to earn back. Clothes, weapons, magic, extra body parts, and like, so on and so forth. But like, the catch is that you need to behave. So like, when weird and creepy stuff happens? Make sure you like, play along. Afterwards, like, the Mayor sends you something in a box, and you're free to open it, and I guess it just like, magically changes you.

But hey! Like, maybe you'll get used to being a human. And like, there's no guarantee that you'll get back what you want first.

You'd like, have to get all new icons and everything. Like, totally a pain.

[electrowhipit]

Well, it's not totally good news, but I'll take it.

[if-she-hollers.livejournal.com]

So like, you good with everything else? Brainwashing? Drones?

[electrowhipit]

...Brain-what-ing?

[if-she-hollers.livejournal.com]

. . . Ohhhhhhh. Right. K, um. Let's call it 'CPU-washing'.

So if you misbehave, like, this fat geezer comes around with his policemen, and you turn into a drone. It's usually like, temporary, but like, some people just never turn back. Trying to punch him is like, a sure way of getting brainwashed.

[electrowhipit]

...

It just gets better and better, doesn't it?

[if-she-hollers.livejournal.com]

You like, get used to it. Life is like, pretty normal otherwise.

So like, there's your official intro to Mayfield. Our perfect happy town. Just like, remember that not everything's always the way it seems.

[electrowhipit]

"Normal" is a relative term.

Thanks, though.

[if-she-hollers.livejournal.com]

No problem. Let me know when you get your body back, 'cause I'm totally taking pics.

[electrowhipit]

... Sure.